thoughts of cambodia

My latest project has been going though my Cambodia images. Not a small task. Because I went almost directly to the street project I did not share many....

This is one of the pastors of Cambodia and his home he shares with his wife and many children...I never could tell the ones that were his, he took in so many orphans! A dear man whom loves Jesus and serves Him faithfully, caring for the forgotten. 

ok ok I realize I have been a serious blog loser. 

back into full blogging swing. 

stay tuned! 

This shot is from my cambodia trip, a school they turned into a prison camp and killed thousands. 

this i have found

anyplace is wonderful--if i am with Jesus.

It's been a long, cold, heart breaking 6 weeks.

It feels like a life time. 

This year has been full of pain. If I look over my journal I see tear stained, tattered, questioning pages.

It kills me to talk to the 11 year old who is a meth addict--his father showed him how. Why God?

I can still see the sweet baby girl I held in the streets of Cambodia--I feel the effects of my crushed heart as I realized she would most likely not make it to her 5th birthday. Its not Fair Lord! 

I have experienced more hear break then I care to.  

I have seen to the evils of the sinful man in explicit, ugly ways. 

And I have fallen in love with Jesus more then ever before. I love how He loves. I love His soft heart. I love his justice.  

I love how my heat can be shattered all over the streets of Portland and he gently picks up the pieces and makes them whole again. 

I love that when my world hangs by a thread I can look up and see Him not moving. My Rock. I love that though there is pain and great suffering He is there. 

What did I see on the streets of Portland? I found this: Jesus is the only thing worth putting your trust in.

He will not fail. He does not fail and He is always worth it. 

-jocelyn.elise

i want to be a rock star!

I walk down the streets of Portland. I hear my name yelled. I see a friend who I meet on the streets come running up to me. We sit and talk about her day, about mine. 

After a few moments she gets us to walk to dinner. I give her a hug. "love you Jocelyn, thanks for listening."

She leaves me standing there wondering, has it really has been this simple my whole life and I just missed it. 

YES.                         It  is.                           It was.

I have been asked over and over again what the answer is. What is the problem with these kids? Why are they homeless? Why don't they just get a job? Why don't they just go home? 

I don't know why. The reasons are different as the people. Some reasons valid, some not. 

But this I do know:

No one wants them. Jesus pursuits their heart.

No one seems to notice them. Jesus knows what color their eyes are. 

I have found that the smallest acts are Jesus to these kids. Eye contact and a smile can grant a hopeless heart the courage to go on another day. 

+++++++++++++

more portraits to come, thank you for your prayers

gratefulness,

jocelyn.elise

God is just very good

Things get pretty crazy down here. But one thing rings true: GOD IS VERY GOOD. This brings confront to my heart, keeps my soul content, allows me to see and experience deep pain and loss and still rest fully in the love of a God who is there

This is one of my many new, beautiful friends. This is also how I spend my days. 

.i know .i love it. very much 

Photo by  Taylor Lindsey

thanks for your prayers, I feel them. 

gratefulness, 

-jocelyn 

reflections of me...

I sat on the curb today talking. It was cold. I was hungry--and I knew dinner was not worth looking forward to. It would most likely be a hot dog on a stale bun. At least I had a car to get to the place it would be served. Star, Strawberry, Shrew, Dee and the others had to walk the 3 miles to get dinner. 

My Tummy tied in knots as smoke was blown my way for the millionth time. the smell of body oder hung in the air and would not leave. I focus on not throwing up. I step back from the situation. I take in the long greasy hair, the dirty clothing, the thick grime under the fingernails, the glazed eyes the missing teeth, the fowl breath and the awful language. WHAT AM I DOING HERE?

 I WANT TO GO HOME!

I ask God why for the millionth time. WHY? Why do  I have a home? Why do I have the best family in the world. Why has He given me so much? what is the difference? 

Then I got it. 

There is none

THAT IS IS ME.            .or it was me.

I was homeless, full of addition, a thief, a lier, a dirty rascal, discussing. 

Be then, a merciful one came to me. He bathed me, gave me clean clothing, broke the chains of addition, brought joy from shame peace from restlessness and cleansed me of my deserved fate. He gave me a home, a place, a purpose. 

                                        .i deserve nothing yet he has given me everything. 

Now, I stand, no lay on my face in trembling wonderment of what jesus Christ has done for me.   

-jocelyn