It's been a long, cold, heart breaking 6 weeks.

It feels like a life time. 

This year has been full of pain. If I look over my journal I see tear stained, tattered, questioning pages.

It kills me to talk to the 11 year old who is a meth addict--his father showed him how. Why God?

I can still see the sweet baby girl I held in the streets of Cambodia--I feel the effects of my crushed heart as I realized she would most likely not make it to her 5th birthday. Its not Fair Lord! 

I have experienced more hear break then I care to.  

I have seen to the evils of the sinful man in explicit, ugly ways. 

And I have fallen in love with Jesus more then ever before. I love how He loves. I love His soft heart. I love his justice.  

I love how my heat can be shattered all over the streets of Portland and he gently picks up the pieces and makes them whole again. 

I love that when my world hangs by a thread I can look up and see Him not moving. My Rock. I love that though there is pain and great suffering He is there. 

What did I see on the streets of Portland? I found this: Jesus is the only thing worth putting your trust in.

He will not fail. He does not fail and He is always worth it. 

-jocelyn.elise

i want to be a rock star!

I walk down the streets of Portland. I hear my name yelled. I see a friend who I meet on the streets come running up to me. We sit and talk about her day, about mine. 

After a few moments she gets us to walk to dinner. I give her a hug. "love you Jocelyn, thanks for listening."

She leaves me standing there wondering, has it really has been this simple my whole life and I just missed it. 

YES.                         It  is.                           It was.

I have been asked over and over again what the answer is. What is the problem with these kids? Why are they homeless? Why don't they just get a job? Why don't they just go home? 

I don't know why. The reasons are different as the people. Some reasons valid, some not. 

But this I do know:

No one wants them. Jesus pursuits their heart.

No one seems to notice them. Jesus knows what color their eyes are. 

I have found that the smallest acts are Jesus to these kids. Eye contact and a smile can grant a hopeless heart the courage to go on another day. 

+++++++++++++

more portraits to come, thank you for your prayers

gratefulness,

jocelyn.elise

God is just very good

Things get pretty crazy down here. But one thing rings true: GOD IS VERY GOOD. This brings confront to my heart, keeps my soul content, allows me to see and experience deep pain and loss and still rest fully in the love of a God who is there

This is one of my many new, beautiful friends. This is also how I spend my days. 

.i know .i love it. very much 

Photo by  Taylor Lindsey

thanks for your prayers, I feel them. 

gratefulness, 

-jocelyn 

reflections of me...

I sat on the curb today talking. It was cold. I was hungry--and I knew dinner was not worth looking forward to. It would most likely be a hot dog on a stale bun. At least I had a car to get to the place it would be served. Star, Strawberry, Shrew, Dee and the others had to walk the 3 miles to get dinner. 

My Tummy tied in knots as smoke was blown my way for the millionth time. the smell of body oder hung in the air and would not leave. I focus on not throwing up. I step back from the situation. I take in the long greasy hair, the dirty clothing, the thick grime under the fingernails, the glazed eyes the missing teeth, the fowl breath and the awful language. WHAT AM I DOING HERE?

 I WANT TO GO HOME!

I ask God why for the millionth time. WHY? Why do  I have a home? Why do I have the best family in the world. Why has He given me so much? what is the difference? 

Then I got it. 

There is none

THAT IS IS ME.            .or it was me.

I was homeless, full of addition, a thief, a lier, a dirty rascal, discussing. 

Be then, a merciful one came to me. He bathed me, gave me clean clothing, broke the chains of addition, brought joy from shame peace from restlessness and cleansed me of my deserved fate. He gave me a home, a place, a purpose. 

                                        .i deserve nothing yet he has given me everything. 

Now, I stand, no lay on my face in trembling wonderment of what jesus Christ has done for me.   

-jocelyn 

A DROWN RAT

I am not sure if you noted the rain yesterday. It rained--most of the day. I never have liked the rain much but "not liking the rain" brought on new meaning. 

Yesterday when it rained I looked for a bridge to hind under. You know something? When you hide under a bridge you can make some new friends. I did. I sat in their "house" made up of boxes, and a million old blankets (no, I was not alone, relax) we sat there, talking, drinking hot chocolate. It was quite enjoyable, except being soaking wet and freezing cold. 

By the end of the long day I smelled like pot and looked like a drown rat. The small team I was with was to meet the rest of our group at a shelter to eat, touch base and be with the people there before we went back to the "office". 

I stood in the food line, a man asked me how many hot dogs I wanted. I wanted one. He looked at me with pity, he kindly told me I could have more if I wanted. No, one hot dog is good with me thanks. I walked away.

I was sitting in a chair, eating and talking. A women walked by, I wondered what church they had come from. I asked her nicely, she looked at me, her eyes dashed every which way, she gave me a very quick, very rude answer. It clicked.

"OH MY GOSH THEY THINK WE ARE HOMELESS" 

We looked it, we smelled it, we should be it. That was why people has been so strange all day.  They acted like I was a child, or a bad girl, casting sorrowful...with a hint of guilt glances my way. As pieces fell into place  I vowed to never treat any human in such a way. 

Forgive your people Lord, please, have mercy on us!

missing you, 

-jocelyn elise

I bought this cup of hot chocolate for one of my friends, Bill a dear old man, I took the lid off to show him the "pretty flower". He smiled at me, telling me I was kindest girls in the state--and this was the best hot drink he had ever had. As I smiled at him I felt my loving Jesus smiling with us. Pray for Bill.

RESCUING THE BEAUTY

We came in from all over the nation WA, TX, MI, FL, MD. A team of 9 people who love Jesus Christ and their cameras very, very much. 

We spent the first day praying and getting to know each-other. I mean you are going to live with these people for over a moth you need to know what their first pet was, what their favorite movie is and why the heck they came to Portland to love and document street kids. 

The answers to the questions varied but the mission was the same. to expose what really goes on down there. To ask the question: what can we do to help--even in small things. To distribute hope. To share with the word what God loves and expose what He hates. To find the potential beauty in all things. 

We had "street training" today. Whatever that is. Bottom line: be ready for anything and react to nothing. 

Tomorrow we start "street life" Please pray for us.

Much love and gratefulness,

-jocelyn 

the team Whitney, Jake, Kaitlan, Caleb, Christina, Aaron, Tyler, me and Lauren 

dance dance forms a bond that will last forever--we think 
prayer and study time together...

ps. So in WA you pump your own gas -- Very much NOT COOl, so please thank your local gas pumper today, its a very important job!  

the least

Jesus has this deal for no-nothings. 

He has an intense thing for failures. 

He has a deep love for the unlovely.  He is attracted to the unattractive.  He desires the undesirable. 

Among thousands he stopped for ONE poor blind man...on the way to die for me. He spent time with the dirty women, the ones who sold their bodies. He touched the lepers. He loved the little ones. He ate with the tax collectors. He fed the hungry. He loved the lame, the poor, the sinners, the captives, the lonely, the possessed, the least, the last. 

the words 

F O L L O W   M E 

strike a chord of fear in my flesh. Because Christ has a thing for dirty, uncool people. He delights in small acts of service that no one  takes notice of. It is becoming more and more daunting, yet addicting, endearing to FOLLOW HIM. Cause HE likes to go to the ENDS OF THE EARTH to SAVE ONE. The one whom I least expect. 

Viewing the world through Gods eyes is a painful and fulfilling thing. The rush of God's pleasure is worth my temporary discomfort. 

There is a connecting thread of radical obedience and active trust between what I say about God and the world and how I live in it. 

**

The month of March I will be working on a photo documentary with a video, photo and journalist team. Showing who the homeless in Portland are.  I will be spending most every moment with people who have nothing.  Watching them, talking to them, feeding them. Then in grace distribute hope to them, telling them of the only one who can PULL THEM OUT of darkness. 

I will do my best to keep you informed, there will be more detail soon. Please, please pray for me, for safety, this is no small feat. I feel I am in quite over my head. 

-jocelyn